You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
