I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i dont even know how to be here
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
