Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
