TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I deserve this hangover.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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