I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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