you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
