I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
