Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
how drunk are you?
Several
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
