Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
