Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
