covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
