I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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