Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
