Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
