Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
