My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
