i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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