He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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