this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
