you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
