If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
