so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
