Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Found the puke drawer
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
