Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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