what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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