its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
