Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
