She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
