Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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