My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
