Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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