Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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