even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize