He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
