Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
