I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
