Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
