Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
