If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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