my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
