ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
