She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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