I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
