can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
