He is such a slut. More and more my type.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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