trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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