I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...