my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"