Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....