So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume