I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?