I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
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He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.