I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.