A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
