I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
