I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
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Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
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I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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