Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
