hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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