i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
