note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
