when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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