I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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