woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
