the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
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They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
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We're too hungover to prance.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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