There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
