hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
