How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
