From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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