Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
