guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We need a shit load of segways right now
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
